he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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