do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
