my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
