dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't deserve a penis
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
