i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
