i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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