I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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