Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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