she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
