Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
