I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
