no, he came in my armpit
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
