just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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