had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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