The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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