she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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