So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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