Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
