If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
