I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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