his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think people are normalizing furries
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
