Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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