whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
