For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
