My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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