I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
