I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I look better un-naked...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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