Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
