chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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