thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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