The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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