covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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