If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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