I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
