The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
