I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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