she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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