youre lurking in front of me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
