Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
