I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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