I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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