I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
