Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
