Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
