even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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