hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
