The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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