Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
