; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
