I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
