and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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