I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If I die, sorry about rent.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
