operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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