Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
